One night during the local deer hunting season a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy country bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a deer hunter tumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, then try his keys in five different cars before he found his.
He sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. All the other deer hunters left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.00. The puzzle officer demanded to know how that could be.
The deer hunter replied, “Tonight I’m the designated decoy.”
Gaston and Bubba get lost
One day Gaston and Bubba were Deer Hunting, and they got lost. Gaston tells Bubba “wait, don’t panic I learned what to do in case this happens. Yours supposed to shoot up into the air three times and someone will here you and come with help,”
“Okay,” said Bubba. So he shoots three times into the air. They both wait an hour and no one shows up. So they shoot three times again and still, no one shows up. Bewildered they try this again and again for the next couple of hours.
Gaston starts to look a little worried, then he shouts “It better work this time, were down to our last three arrows!”
Now He’s Got His Priorities Straight!
Four friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of a ten-point buck.
“Where’s Billy Bob?”
“Billy Bob had a stroke of some kind. He’s a couple of miles back up the trail.”
“You left Billy Bob laying out there and carried the deer back?”
“A tough call,” nodded the hunter “but I figured no one, in their right mind, is going to steal Billy Bob.”
Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.
“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”
After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.
A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”
“Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.
Is He dead, Yet!
These 2 ol’ boys from Tn.,Tom and Jake, were hunting one day and all of a sudden Ol’ Tom keels over, out like a light. Jake, not knowing what to do quickly calls 911. When operator asks “what’s wrong?”, He says “I don’t know we were just walking along and Ol’ Tom just falls over.The operator asks “Is he dead?” and Jake says”I don’t know that either” and the operator says “well you need to make sure!” Jake says O K and lays the phone down, a few seconds pass and then the operator hears “chuck chick, boom!” and then Jake comes back on the line and asks “Now What?”
Now, That’s Ugly!
A fella was tending to his cattle one morning when out of a cedar grove another man came carrying a turkey over his shoulder.
“Sure is a nice bird. Where did you get him?” asked the farmer.
“Back up in that cedar grove,” replied the hunter.
“I’ve been here all morning and I didn’t hear the shot, how did you get him?” the farmer inquired.
“Well, I’m sooooo ugly, I just kinda hunker down amongst the bushes and when he gets in real close, I jump out a screamin’ and making such a face that it “uglies” them to death. I used to take my wife along, but she tore ’em up too bad”.
Old No Tail
In 2000, I was hunting near Sonora, Texas. We rifle hunt from tower stands over corn feeders with hog wire panels around the feeders. I have hunted for many years and still had the buck fever and just couldn’t wait for the deer to jump out of the feed pen before shooting. Calmly, I went through my usual breathing exercises to get ready for a good, clean shot. Pow! I pulled the trigger on my 25’06 and the deer jumped the feed pen like a bomb had blown up under him. I thought, yep, I got him. He did that donkey kick thing. Maybe a gut shot but he’s mine.
Well, I walked up to the feeder after waiting the usual 30 minutes or so. I quickly saw hair in the pen. I thought to myself, well, I hit something… there’s a lot of hair in here. Hmmm. Much to my surprise, approximately 75 % of the deer’s tail lay in the pen. The bullet had deflected off the wire panel. Yes, you read it correctly, I shot the deer’s tail plum off.
So, if you are in Sonora, Texas and see “no tail”, as we dubbed him, you’ll know some crazy girl from East Texas was there!